p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
