Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
