You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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