haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
