Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize