hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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