Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How does it feel to date your dad?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
