Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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