Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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