non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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