I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He shit in the fireplace
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
