went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
