you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
