We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I want to fling myself into the sun
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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