The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
