we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
