Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
