I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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