I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
