You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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