just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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