I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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