I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
