I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
