he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
