These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
