I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize