So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You ruined the universe
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
