did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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