watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
