Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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