Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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