So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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