Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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