Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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