I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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