I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i dont even know how to be here
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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