What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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