So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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