My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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