It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
