He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
