it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
