Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
