I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
