She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
