she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
