How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
