All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
