is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
