i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize