i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i think i have herpe
just one?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Randomize
