We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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