thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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