(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
