sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
