his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
