Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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