1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
