My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
