When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
