dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
