Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
