Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I believe in your delicious
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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