Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
