ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
