She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
