Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize