the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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