Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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