You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
