i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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