So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
