I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
