dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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