As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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