rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
