Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
