Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
