She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
