i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
