Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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