TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you never un-have a 4some
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
