apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't deserve a penis
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
