let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just found a bag of teeth...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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