i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
