Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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