Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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