Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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