Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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