toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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