Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
