If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize