I think I am morally bankrupt
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
