My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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