once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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