nut hugger
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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