i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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