I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
