Having a random hookup so left but love u
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
