I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize