I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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